By Kerry Birtles, Executive Director of Support and Wellbeing at Honeycomb Group
In 2026, domestic abuse is better understood than ever before - yet one of its most pervasive forms is still routinely minimised, misunderstood, or romanticised: digital abuse.
For many people, control no longer begins in a shared living room - it begins in a phone. Messages, apps, location settings, passwords and social media have become new battlegrounds in coercive and controlling relationships. But too often, these behaviours are framed as love, care or even concern, rather than what they frequently are: tactics of power.
From a frontline perspective, we see how digital abuse rarely stands alone. It is woven into broader patterns of coercive control, alongside emotional manipulation, isolation, and in some cases, physical harm. Yet the narrative seems to be that online behaviour is less serious, less real, or less dangerous. This misunderstanding can delay recognition, reduce reporting, and leave people without the support they need.
One of the reasons digital abuse is so easily missed is that it often mimics the language of intimacy. Statements such as: ‘I just worry about you,’ ‘if you loved me, you’d share your password with me’ or ‘I need your location to make sure you’re safe’ can sound reasonable or even caring, particularly for younger people or in the early stages of a relationship. But when these requests become demands, or when refusal leads to anger, punishment, or withdrawal, they cross a line from connection into control.
We also know that digital abuse can escalate quickly. Once access is gained to someone’s devices or accounts, it can be used to monitor friendships, track movements, limit independence, or gather information that increases risk. In this sense, technology can amplify harm rather than simply reflect it.
This year, Valentine’s Day falls just days after Safer Internet Day, making it a critical moment to broaden the online safety narrative. While the focus on strangers and scams remains vitally important, there is an equally serious - and often overlooked - risk within intimate relationships that must also be addressed.
We need to be clear that privacy is not secrecy and boundaries are not barriers to love. By focusing on online safety in the context of relationships, we have a powerful opportunity to challenge the myth that sharing everything is a sign of trust, and instead promote a healthier understanding of digital boundaries within relationships.
If we are to keep pace with how abuse is evolving, the domestic abuse sector – and supporting services – must continue to treat digital abuse as a central, not secondary, aspect of coercive control and equip professionals with stronger tools to recognise and respond to technology-facilitated harm. We must also support victims to rebuild digital safety alongside physical and emotional safety.
At its core, this is about redefining what we consider ‘normal’ in relationships. We all know that healthy love does not require access to someone’s messages. Care does not require constant monitoring. Trust does not demand control.
At Honeycomb Group, through our domestic abuse service Glow, our work is rooted in this specialist understanding of how coercive control plays out in real, everyday relationships - both online and offline. We will be exploring some of these themes during our Valentine’s Week campaign, but the issues at stake go far beyond a single awareness week. They speak to how we collectively understand love, power, and safety in a digital world.
Click here to learn more about Honeycomb Group’s domestic abuse service, Glow.
